The house has possessed all of my appliances…

Let’s start with the most possessed item of all – the upstairs television.
Steve brought this home from my cousin’s house, thinking he could fix it. The sound absolutely would not work and there was no remote, but it was bigger than the one we already had, so he had to have it and make it work.
He did, then he switched it out with our main tv. That’s when it started acting weird. After much begging, it is now back upstairs.

Sometimes, it turns itself on.
Sometimes, it turns itself off.
It will look fine, then the picture will go all static – like you’re getting bad reception – and a black bar will appear at the top. It will get bigger as the picture gets smaller until finally – STATIC – and zap, it’s back to normal.
When it turns itself off, it won’t come back on for hours sometimes a day.
The sound doesn’t work sometimes – unless you hold down the volume button for a long time – then it will be LOUD then die down, but it’s still not controllable – nope, keep holding that volume button down until it gets LOUD again and finally it will work as normal.

I think it watches me when I sleep.

Sometimes I think the downstairs tv, the well behaved one, is also possessed.
I swear, two mornings in a row last month we came downstairs to it turned on when we KNOW we turned it off the night before.

We already talked about my oven today…. er, yesterday.

Did I mention the stove? If, while you’re already using the oven, you need the back-right burner – no worries! You don’t even have to turn it on! I don’t even know if that one does turn on.
Then there are the other three burners. One likes to not work, the other gets extremely hot even on ‘low’ and the other – well I never use it because it’s lopsided.

I know I’ve mentioned the fridge before. Let’s say that it is indeed possessed. Like the oven, it is about a million years old. I think in its past life it was a water hose.
When we were a week from moving in and were cleaning up (this place had been sitting vacant for a year), it died. But Steve resurrected it.
I now regret that.

Something is wrong with it and he can’t figure it out.

I could keep ice cream in the back of it and thaw food in the front of it. Okay, so it’s not that bad. But it does leak water because it does freeze stuff in the back and then it thaws.
So I always have a pair of old jeans sitting at the bottom soaking up the water. Sometimes old socks, when I’m desperate. The towels I place in the back of the top shelf in an attempt to stop the water from making it to the bottom freeze into blocks that are near impossible to move.

Of course, sometimes the fridge leaks water out into the rest of the kitchen.
You may walk in there, barefeet and all, and step in a puddle in the middle of the tiny room.
Why is this? Because the floor sinks right in the middle of the kitchen. But that’s yet another issue.
Twice today I have used a shirt (because it was the only thing available at the time) to soak up the water in the middle of the floor.
Just a few minutes ago I nearly fell on my arse as I walked in and proceeded to skid across the floor. Then I walked off forgetting about it (too used to it) and returned to do the same a bit later. :cute:

The dryer, as mentioned earlier is still broken.  I first noticed this the day that I had put clothes in and six hours later I went… wait a minute… yup, they were still going. The timer is busted.
The dryer also has a tendency to blow fuses (yes, we still have fuses… that would be part of the reason the satellite guy turned to me and said, “Your husband is an electrician???? Couldn’t tell.” LOL And yeah, now the two of them have a class – electricity class – together, it is TOO funny) when it is running and the AC kicks on.
Oh wait, wouldn’t that mean the AC is the possessed one? Of course, it has been nice these past few years and hasn’t blown any fuses.

The faucet in the bathroom has possessed itself for the second time now. The hot water handle is the only one that will work – this is because we constantly have people who do not know how to turn on and off the cold water and constantly try to force it the wrong way. It seems to officially die, however, when Sarah is over here.
So if you want to brush your teeth or wash your hands in the bathroom, you must do it really fast before the water gets really hot.

Then there’s the garage-door-opener-button that is right by our back door.
I said, “what’s this?” and pressed it – nothing.
Everyone has said, “what’s this?” and pressed it and gotten nothing.
Except for Sarah. One time she pushed it and said, “what’s this?” And the door opened. Spooky.

Don’t get me started on the basement.
C calls it the dungeon.
He’s convinced we have kids tied up down there.
When we first bought the place, there was a bit of a mold problem.
The walls leak. Give us some rain and it becomes the Land of the Twenty Rivers.
It doesn’t leak as bad as it used to, since Steve put in some piping. It wouldn’t leak as bad as it does if the dang neighbor wouldn’t drain her gutters down the hill to our house.

Shall I even mention the electrical outlets that don’t work and were put in stupid places? Nah.

Then there’s the ceiling fan in Elijah’s room. If the power goes out for any length of time or even blips, when it comes back his fan will be on full blast lights and fan – no matter what it was on before the power went out. This can be quite a problem when he’s napping. It’s all over then.

There’s the sitting room… Okay so it’s not an appliance or anything like that, nor is it possessed, but it is a black hole. An add-on and not insulated too well this room stays closed all the time and is filled with CRAP. Stuff we want to keep, can’t throw away, have no where to put it, and can’t risk it getting ruined in the basement. Several boxes of photos included. Most of the seven windows are painted shut as well, thanks to my friends. :lol: Doesn’t matter anyway. Several are busted. (As well as both of Elijah’s and one in the lower room… wait that one’s not busted, it doesn’t even really exist.)

I have a hole in the floor of the kitchen.
Yup, really do. It’s in one of the cabinets under the sink.
Steve put it there.
There’s a pipe in it.
At the end of the pipe is a trashcan.
The pipe is the perfect diameter for a soda can.
See where I’m going with this?
Ingenious! ;-)

The shelves in the lower room. Much too thin, most of my books stick out.
I plan to bet Steve when we finally remove them that there is not a wall behind them but that he will probably see the back of the fridge when we do this.
I will probably win.

Conclusion
Okay. So this wasn’t as funny as I thought it’d be and really all I accomplished was allowing you to see the white trash we are.

What do I like about this house?
It’s mine.

Well, half mine. So I guess I only half like it.

Obviously, we’ve been in construction mode since we bought the stupid thing. What’s “finished”? The upstairs, most of it exept trim and such and the bathroom basically and little things here, there, everywhere.

Owning a house is A LOT of trouble. Nothing is ever finished, there are tons of little projects you’ve started here and there that seem as if you’ll never get them done. Then there’s the things that you just keep putting off. And, of course, there are those you finished four years ago that suddenly have to be done again. It’s all very hard when you have kid(s), work full time, go to school, and have other commitments.

Sometimes, I wish for an apartment.

No wait, better than that… I wish for someone to come here and be my live-in maid and handy man. Yeah that would be nice. Would also be nice if they could babysit, although that wouldn’t be a requirement.

Sheila – you listening? How much would I have to pay you to get that? ;-)

Wait! I forgot the couch! It’s possessed, too!!! So is the diaper genie, the alarm clock, the toaster and can opener and….

Okay, well, I just thought everyone should know that :-)

Oh yeah, it’s still there by the way, I’m not cleaning it up. :-D Steve can do it as payment for not bringing in more wood like he said he would. Now I hafta freeze tomorrow. We’ll just have to make sure The Rimshot doesn’t decide to clean it up.