Ugh. Am I the only one who is so very sick and tired of hearing Paris Hilton whine like a little baby and that wishes she would just go far, far away? It’s not like I can get away from her, either, every time I turn on the dang TV, or open my dang browser, or turn on the radio, someone is talking about her!

In fact, though it’s already almost a day old, here’s the latest I’ve seen:
Paris’ To-Do List: Ask for Pardon, Rehire Publicist

A few “highlights”:

The Simple Life star has opted to go grassroots in her quest for freedom, urging supporters via her MySpace page to sign an online petition addressed to the Governator seeking a pardon from her 45-day jail sentence for a probation violation.

“My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn it,” the spellcheck-challenged Hilton wrote on her MySpace blog. “i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!”

The petition, looking to appeal to “all fans and supporters and all that are outraged by injustice,” describes Hilton as someone who “provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to [most of] our otherwise mundane lives.”

In exchange for her global good deeds, the petition contends, she should not be locked up.

“Please allow her to return to her career and life,” the petition reads. “Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson…She is distraught and understandably afraid.”

The petition refers to the heiress’ DUI bust last September as a “mortal error.” She eventually pleaded no contest to a reduced charge of alcohol-induced reckless driving and had her license suspended; a February traffic stop resulted in the probation violation charge that earned her 45 days in the clink.

But the petition asks Schwarzenegger to pardon Hilton, arguing that the socialite’s follies paled in comparison to other infamous ne’er-do-wells.

“If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.”

…

Heh, like, gag me with a spoon!

I just visited her MySpace looking for this petition and all I see is that Nick Lachay apparently spammed her comments with “Check out my Page and my Pics!!!!! ADD ME FREND PARISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.” Heh. Heh.

Anyway, even the first line of the “news” article has me rolling: like MySpace is sooooooooooo “grassroots” and even a good place to start something like that. You know that probably 98% of the people “signing” the “petition” will not be California voters. So then what does Schwarzenegger care?

Also, anyone who even thinks about signing this thing should really have their head examined. There might be a tumor or something. The “I love Paris Hilton” cancer – we must find a cure!

In the event Schwarzenegger refuses to terminate the sentence, the Hilton faithful have already started covering their bases, with a separate contingent of fans setting up shop at FreeParis.org, where, in addition to buying slogan-emblazoned paraphernalia under the pretense of supporting Hilton’s pardon bid, the sympathetic masses can also sign yet another online petition directed at both Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer, who issued the sentence, and the City/County of Los Angeles.

But unlike the good folks behind Hilton’s petition to Schwarzenegger, in which supporters made a plea for clemency, the Free Paris founders instead went with the less-employed ignorance is legal bliss defense.

“We are of the firm opinion that Paris Hilton was, in fact, not in violation of her probation, and unaware her license was suspended. Furthermore, she was coaxed into signing a document and denied any proper alternative forms of punishment (community service, house arrest, fee penalties) for the misdeeds.”

Uh… duuueeerrrrrrrr. I think I am dumber for just having read that last paragraph now.

But: go Sauer! Schwarzenegger: don’t even think about it!

Seriously, what are people smoking? I don’t understand this obsession with her. Some people will tell you, “oh, well she’s just so beautiful.” And I just stare at them in bewilderment, I totally do not see it. She’s just another fake Hollywood blond who can’t sing, can’t act, etc., and is only in the spotlight because of who her parents are. Anyone remember that show, it was called something like, “everyone wants to be a Hilton”? I wonder if that’s still on. Every time I’d see a commercial for that, I wanted to faint: NO, everyone does NOT want to be a Hilton! Sheesh.

But besides all that – the sentence she’s supposed to serve is only 45 days. Forty-five days! A month and a half. And she didn’t even have to start it right away, she got time to leave and come back, and apparently start a MySpace petition! It’s just 45 days, Paris! Get over it! Serve your time! It’s not like she’ll be missing work or something and won’t be able to afford to pay the electric bill when she gets out. Grow up and take it like an adult! Let’s not even go into detail about her horrible driving record. Her license should be revoked permanently! I admire you people who live around where she does, still putting yourself out on the road with her running wild. Talk about taking your life in your hands!

Wow, I just totally wasted 5 minutes on that! You may now go back to your regularly scheduled day!